THAT’S A WRAP!

HOW TO GIVE A SHOW STYLE SEND-OFF TO A CHEATING MATE

In order to properly dump a cheating mate you should incorporate all the fanfare and bravado of a big, fine-tuned show production. Why, you ask?  Because you want your target audience, the evil cad or cheating hussy, to be wowed, bowled over, taken aback…royally dumped. 

This surefire way guarantees they will get the point. To execute this grand, one-time only performance it will entail some preparation, as any quality show requires. 

Choose a setting

Private or Public.  I prefer a private place because I like to be able to build to a grand crescendo, which is not always feasible in a public place.  It’s doable, just not feasible.  Others fancy the humiliation of a public demonstration. Choose wisely.

Gather Props

If you have any hard evidence of the cheater’s escapades, now is the time to put it on display.  Uncrinkle it, take it out of hiding or put it in a frame, if you dare. Just have it ready to flaunt flagrantly in the face of the cheating rat.

Write The Script

You may think you know exactly what you want to say to your soon-to-be ex but sometimes when we get emotional we forget things.  Now is not the time to just shoot (evil laugh here) from the hip.  This is a one shot deal and you want a Bulls-Eye!  You don’t want to overlook an important point or spicy verbal jab then dwell on it later.  Writing it down will help.  It doesn’t have to be lengthy. Bullet points are helpful. Not bullets, silly.  We don’t want to hurt them…just their miserable feelings.

Rehearsal Time

Practice makes perfect. Remember you want a flawless production.  In order for your show to have the greatest impact it has to be perfect.  This prepared speech should roll off your tongue.  It should be strong and direct. Passionate and fiery. Emotional and over the top!   It’s your time…bring it!   Give yourself a couple of days to make sure you know every last word you want to say to the scoundrel/tart.   

Wardrobe Check

I don’t have to tell you how important your attire is.  You know what your “audience” likes, so work it.  You should look fabulous!  Amazing!  Delicious!  Salt in the wound, baby. Salt in the wound.

Showtime

It’s normal to be nervous before a big show.  If you’ve followed the plan you’re ready.  If any somber or second thoughts crop up, shake it, off!  Glance at your prop or reference your script to refresh your memory on why you're dumping the lying snake.  After regaining your focus, take a few deep breaths and go for it.  Be careful not to let the louse/floozy throw you off track or interrupt your performance with guilt inducing antics.  Reset your mental picture and channel your favorite actor for inspiration. This is your big day…shine!

The Finish

Whether you’re at your place, the cheater's headquarters or a neutral setting, give a big finish. The more exaggerated, the better.  Perhaps, you obnoxiously strut to the door, pause for dramatic effect, give a smug look back, then exit with a very arrogant walk.  Or, you vigorously usher him/her to the door, deliver some pompous parting words, then slam the door on their exiting heels. Whatever over-the-top ending you come up with...make it good. 

Important Producer’s Note!

Not so fast, my crazy protégé. Hopefully, the imagery of this pseudo plan gave you   the intended therapeutic release.  Now, it’s time to get real.  Although this elaborate production seems like fun it is so not worth it. 

The best way to properly dump a cheating mate is with the ultimate demonstration of poise and dignity, characteristics your two-timer greatly lacks.   Just state your case.  Keep it simple and be firm.  Express how their actions made you feel and why  they can no longer be a part of your life.

Above all, stay calm, cool and collected. They will be left astounded. You will remain a class act.  Worthy of true admiration... and big time applause.  Now go make your Mamas proud!